Anything de facto, or ex de facto related, including relationships, separation, division of assets, child custody and the mutlitude of other issues, questions and experiences that ex de facto mums experience.
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By samantha79
#6173
Hi
I am a 32 year old mum and I have been living with a man for the past 8 years we have 2 children together 2 and 4.
OUr whole relationship has been a disaster and I have continually made mistakes throughout it.
He is not abusive but he does have a drinking problem and anger issues and something bad tends to happen when he drinks. I have put up with it for so long and have become so miserable and have so much resentment towards him that we are unable to sleep in the same bed or even be in the same room. This has lead me to isolate myself from friends ect. I feel so alone and I am unable to talk to anybody about it becuase Im ashamed that I am in this situation. I find it hard to make new friends because every new mum I meet seem so happy with their great husbands and great lifes so I have not been able to meet anyone in my situation. I have become so bittter and sour that Im not suprised women do not want to be friends with me I am also quite shy so this does not help the situation.
It would be great to chat to people and to share experiences.

I have made the decision to leave but are finding it hard to take the first step.

Any advice or anyone in the same situation please drop me a line
By Retrac
#6179
Firstly, congrats on being brave enough to decide to leave. It is doing no one any good staying in an unhappy situation. People may tell you to stay for the kids, but staying in such a negative environment is not to their benefit, they would be much better seeing mum and dad apart but happy.

I left my ex husband when our kids were 3, and 6months old. He wasnt abusive. He wasnt a drunk. He wasnt a mean man. He just didnt have the kids or I as his priority in life and I soon became sick of being taken for granted. I figured I was like a single mum anyway as he was always at footy or touch or with mates if he wasnt at work. He didnt seem to realise how sad I was and how much I resented him. I soon fell out of love. He was shocked when I left him, but he moved on very quickly!

My life is a million times better now. I put myself through uni and now have a degree and a job that i love that pays decent money - i now earn more than my ex and can provide a better life than I would if I had of stayed with him. I am happier in myself as I am not resenting him anymore. I have a new group of friends that now me as a single mum and dont know my ex at all.

Life isnt easy though. Being a single mum is tough and can be lonely. BUt i am so much happier and dont regret leaving for a second. As mums we so often put everyone else before ourselves, its time to put YOU first though and do what will make you happy. Good luck
By lilibec
#6180
Hey

Well i am a mum of a little boy 5 and a little girl (3 next month), today would have been my 7th Wedding Anniversay, i am not divorced just separated. even thougth the children and i got thrown out of the family home in July last year, my ex and i actually separated a long time ago, it was pretty much over not long after our son was born and by the time our daughter was born i was permanatly sleeping in the spare room, there was just nothing between us anymore, i also retreated into my self, i didn't have a big social network around me as i have alway been a homebody / private person, and i am also pretty shy and not really good at meeting new people. now i only have a couple of close friends, i tend to spend the weekends the kids are with their dad, by myself as i sadly feel out of it, when you do go to functions that might be on at their homes, as they always have their family and husbands around and you are just their by yourself and after a while your friends pretty much let you know they are no longer interested in knowing about what ever problems you might be having, and then tend to pull away from you, to the point comes you rarely ever see them, and your kids no longer socialise, you start to feel like an outcast. I am hoping that when my little boy starts school next year, i may be able to make some new friends in the mums of the children in his class.

if you ever need to talk i am here
By Miami5
#6181
Hi,
I know to some extent of how you feel. Im 31 and i I left my ex when my DD was only 5 months old because of his temper/anger streak and much more, My dd is now 4 and a half and im still single. Best thing I did leaving him because it means that i removed my self and my daughter out of a toxic situation, its better to be happy apart than miserable together. but im very lonely and definately have my ups and downs.. yes it is incredibly difficult seeing happy couples/happy families together and it has made me somewhat bitter etc.. but it is better than being with a man that brings you down and makes you and your kids miserable. My daughter is and was young when i split with her dad, her dad is intermittent with his contact which means although i love having my DD full time 80% of the time it also means no social life..
I know when the time is right ill meet mr right.. but right now i must focus on giving my DD a happy wonderful amazing life and build my small business in order to do this.. her dad is still in her life and still gives me a heap of grief but its still better than what we were in...
i wish you strenth and courage to get through this.. its not easy and it wont be for a while but you will feel all the better for it once you have done it..
document EVERYTHING in case you end up in court too....
good luck!!!
By cook
#6182
hi , i have now been a single mum for 9 months with a 2 year old and nearly 4 year old. i didn't think i would cope on my own. i now have the most amazing times with my kids without having to check with any one. there are times when i am lonely then realise how lucky i am to have two healthy happy children. since separating i now realise that my friends who used to say they had wonderful lives all have issues in their relationships that i no longer have to deal with. goodluck. there are tough days and lots of tears but it does get better and you just treasure every day with your kids . feel free to message if you want to chat