General discussions in here!
#6145
This morning I was in a supermarket, and witnessed a man approach a young woman and begin talking about 'the law is about to change'. He spoke in a very 'nice' and 'rational' manner however I wonder what in fact he was doing to her because he reduced her to tears. I suspect whatever he referred to was about manipulating and hurting/scaring. I wondered if the law being referred to was family law, and I wondered if he was a protective parent. But didn't want to interfere so didn't ask.

What I wanted was to just give this young woman a sideways hug and ask her if she was going to be ok. Her partner walked away uncomfortable and left her to deal with the bloke, her child was standing there watching. I wanted tol give a kindness if there was an appropriate way to do that.

So my question is this, should I have? Or not? Was it good to stay away? I wanted to ask which law he had been referring to but again, didn't. I'd appreciate any comment from single mums dealing with manipulative exes etc.
#6146
That is so weird..

Firstly, she was with someone who appeared to be her partner – so if it were the Family Law Act that was about to be changed, why did the man assume that it effected this Mum?

Maybe he’s one of those guys thats into conspiracy theories and that the world is out there to get Dads (if thats the law he was talking about) – recently aggrieved Father maybe?

OR...

Maybe he saw this Mum's partner having a go at her in the supermarket earlier and was saying to her that its ok to leave him - the law is changing to better protect kids and parents from Family Violence?

I can understand your dilemma there Ruthie. No one wants to be a ‘buttinski’ – but sometimes when we can relate to how that other person maybe feeling, its hard not to sympathise. Not sure what I would have done.
#6154
Interesting question! Well, the older I get, the more likely it is that i will speak up, join a conversation that isn't really involving me (a buttinski - LOL!). I probably WOULD have, but that doesn't make me right, LOL. PLUS, you do stand a chance of getting hurt for butting in. For example, one of those males was an abusive one, he may have been just crazy enough to set onto you for daring to offer support - happens all the time when men intervene in fist fights, arguements...
Anyhow, I guess my answer is - I may well do it - but I suppose the sensible answer is, play it by ear, and if you get any body language telling you your not welcome in her personal space, back off quickly :)
#6156
Thanks girls :) yeah one of my problems is that as I get older I'm more inclined to speak. A while back I commented when there was clearly an abuser in the equation, contradicting the lie he was offering his partner as a reason for not buying some supermarket item or other. Then I left realisimg I may have have caused trouble for her.

Not easy, but reading the body language is probably a good thing to do and it was something that caused me to keep quiet the other day.
#6157
I have thought about this for a couple of days & this is what I have come up with.
The old me (confident, outgoing, intuitive) would have known whether it was appropriate & acted on it immediately without self doubt & offered sympathetic kindness immediately.
But now, after years of being with a paranoid abuser always telling me it is wrong to do that, the world is not as you see it, basically distorting my perception of reality I would probably not bother anymore. Which is a shame because my philosophy was always to say something kind to everyone I meet. Now, I'm not even sure if they would welcome my presence.
But after saying that, if you are coming from a place of kindness rather than just being nosey and you use your gut feeling then yes I would have. That is the problem with the world today. There is so little 'watch out for thy neighbour' or is that just my new perception? :)