General discussions in here!
By ruthie
#6101
If a child comes back from contact visits with what appears to be deliberately damages clothing, what do you do? Is there anything you can do? We're talking about things like shoes torn in two (upper from sole in way that it appears unlikely wear would do), what appear to be tiny, square cut holes in shirts, seams ripped open etc. Any thoughts would be appreciated. I'm wondering if it might breach dvo but not sure.
By Mum22
#6105
Oh Ruthie, I have lived thro this also! it is a tedious thing to have to endure.
I would investigate the DVO side, esp. if the child saw the incident - of course, proving anything is hard - photograph all clothing before and after a visit - shows any differences that must have occurred during contact. (of course the child would have seen, unless daddy left him unsupervised and thus in danger???)
I have had my son practically stripped naked before being handed back to me, cos the ex would not allow the boy to leave with "his" clothes on. Now I just endure ds's clothes mysteriously dissappearing...ho hum...
You could try sending the child in really old stuff only, get some supplies from a charity shop, so you can "afford" to loose them, make them bad enough so that dad would probably change them for his own supplies...

Else, can you try the small claims court for financial compensation?

One thing, this abyssmal behaviour tends to drop off once the child gets to an age when they can question the parent about it - ie "daddy, why are you being so horrid?" tends to put them on notice, these people think that because the kids are young and cannot express themselves, that they are not affected by this sort of behaviour, well, they are!
By gypsyblu
#6111
wow - I thought it was just "him" that did this. How sad that this is quite common it seems. What pleasure do they get from it? How do they get to the mindset to do this? Im lost
By nothappyjan
#6114
Geez, sounds like really small-minded, petty vindictiveness from a small-minded father. You could type up and print out an invoice, send it registered mail, invoice for the items damaged/lost and their replacement costs. Send a copy of the invoice to his lawyer and yours also, so they are aware what is happening. Call his parents, friends, workplace etc. and tell them, tell as many people as you can that know him, so that you shame him into ceasing this behaviour.

You could also get more of these situations covered in your parenting plan by adding that any extra expenses for the child including clothing, uniforms, dental, medical, sports or educational expenses are to be shared equally by both parents, over and above the regular amounts of child support to be paid. This might come in handy in the future for expensive school uniforms, as you dont want to be replacing those every month just because his scissors slipped.

If it continues happening, ensure all clothing is photographed prior to visits for evidence, and if it comes back damaged again, report it the Police as Wilful Vandalism/Damage to Property. If two coppers go and front him to have a chat and give him a verbal warning, it should be enough to stop him from doing it again. Unless he has a really low IQ. Bonchance!