Access change-overs can be fraught with difficulty- when, where, how...sometimes even working out the actual drop off and pick up times & dates can be really confusing! Ask questions and and see how other parents decipher their orders in here!

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By sgall87
My daughters father has not seen her for 5 months now and I'm trying to work out the best way forward with visitation rights. I have concerns regarding the house and people he currently lives with and also his financial ability to provide for our daughter if she were to be in his care on weekends he claims he can't afford to pay rent pay 30 a month child support or pay to use a supervised visitation centre but wants her overnight every weekend. He is on the verge of been kicked out of where he is due to him not paying for any rent or food or toiletries in the last 5 months I do have a lawyer in regards to the whole issue but I wanted advice from people who have gone through similar situations. I don't want to be that mother that stops a father having a relationship with their child but at this point in time he can't even look after him self let alone a child her father is almost 30 and has never rented his own property or had power in his name and is in debt to the bank in excess of 20k and a further 30k to the woman he's been living with for the last 7 years I don't want our daughter having a father who is in and out of her life constantly (he ignored her for the first 6 months of her life) saw her for 3 months then quit his job so he didn't have to pay child support and proceeded to palm our daughter off to his friends. Any advice on where to go from here would be appreciated
By Mum22
You don't mention the age of your daughter, I would be VERY apprehensive about handing over any child of mine to a man who has no stable home life - shares his home with behind on his bills and has substantial debt that could involve debt collectors/baliff etc.

If your daughter is still young - under school age - I'd be suggesting that at this stage that he come over and see his daughter at your place - short visits - like an uncle dropping in and having a play date kinda thing. So she can get to know him in safe surroundings.
If she is older, then perhaps trips to the park, or (forgive me) McDonalds etc - something fairly benign where she can enjoy her time with him - oh! That's right - he can't afford to buy her Food - heaven forbid!

Does he have any family near enough to assist - a mother ( Doesn't sound like it though) who could act as a supervisor, if you were to drop your daughter off there for a few hours?

Personally, when it comes to overnights - I'd be wanting to tell him to get his act together, get a job/stable income, some cash for food, a stable home and THEN come talk about regular contact with his daughter.

I wish you best of luck, and keep your wits about you - don't agree to something that puts your daughter in harms way. I have this awful perception of your daughter having to stay at his place with someone else there demanding he pay up or else they could accept 'payment in kind' by doing nasty things to your child...horrific - but it can and does happen. IF he lives with just the woman, then she may not appreciate your daughter being there encroaching on her space - especially since he has not paid his share of the rent/bills.
He has a duty of care towards his daughter and if he wants to provide overnight accommodation, then is has to be sufficiently adequate. I do not think that couch-surfing is.
By sgall87
Hi mum22 my daughter has just turned 1 I have demanded he have his own house and provide a stable home but I have been told that I'm been 'very unfair on everyone involved' by demanding this which is why I put a stop to her spending any time with him we don't have a good relationship and I refuse to have him in my home it upsets me too much and he started to think he could just walk in at ridiculous times like 7:30 am. The issue is he's retained the best family lawyer in the state and even pedophiles are giving heaps of access to their children here so I'm trying to work out the best way around a sticky situation because at the moment I just look like another mother who is using their child as a pawn
By Mum22
Who told you that? the lawyer?? just bully tactics..
How on earth has he managed to pull the best lawyer when he is so far in debt? my lawyers ALWAYS demanded payment up front - a big retained before anything ever got even typed or filed let alone submitted to court!
If you believe in your heart that what you are asking for is reasonable, and you have a bit of feedback, then you can safely stick to your guns about it and ignore his innuendos and bully tactics - hta is just word-salad - a bunch of words all tossed about to try to make you feel inferior and small and think that they know what they're doing. it's rubbish. Stay strong and fight for your daughter's safety.
The longer you can fend him off, the longer your daughter has to develop her sense of safety and personal values.
By sgall87
Hi lawyer offers services for people on a government benifits for 60 dollars total. His lawyers never said anything other than him wanting access but with the way family courts are now they believe that fathers have just as much right to their children as mothers no matter the circumstances