This is going to be a long one (I'll try keep it as short as possible) but I'm just after some advice from anyone who has dealt with this situation.
I have been separated from my ex for 13 months. Our children are 4.5 and 3.5 yo.
I left him because he was abusive, sometimes physically but mostly emotionally. He destroyed me as a human and I was practically dead inside. I'm very lucky to have my kids because they gave me the strength to leave.
ANYWAY, the last 13 months have been a roller coaster. We agreed back in April 2016 that the arrangements will be 2 visits a week- Tuesday afternoons and full day Sundays. He has cancelled 25 of the possible 75 visits during this time all for different reasons and sometimes without even a phone call to say he needed to cancel. He has also not paid any child support. He has a history of drug abuse and was also selling drugs during our relationship (I have not reported this). He has drink driving charges from 2014, lost his license due to unpaid fines and was caught twice driving on a suspended license in 2016.
He is currently living with his parents, not working (as far as I know) and the kids often come home repeating malicious things he has said about my family. I have stopped allowing visits for the last 3 months because the last time the kids had a visit he refused to bring them home but eventually did 2 hours after the agreed time. The police could not intervene as there are no court orders YET.
On top of this, I have had to stop all communication with him as he was always abusing me and making comments that had nothing to do with the children. This goes against our undertaking that was a result of my application for a VRO in March 2016.
I am due to face him in mediation in one weeks time and I'm fairly sure he is going to push for 50:50 because he has threatened me with this before. I really want my kids to have a healthy relationship with their dad but at the same time I believe he will not have a healthy impact on our children's lives, then I feel guilty for feeling that way and the cycle continues (it's exhausting )
Can anyone relate to this? What was the outcome? How do you deal with mediators being so unbiased when it's fairly obvious the father is no good?
Thanks in advance for any advice