[karma]

Hi everyone im new to this forum. Im a single mum to a 12yr old and 2yr old. I was married for almost 2 yrs and separated frm ex last year. Due to family violence, theres long history of violence and so gonna skip that for now. We had a baby together whos now 2, my eldest isnt his biological but i think in the Australian law any child from the marriage is considered theres. correct me if im wrong? anyway he is a Uk passport holder and i had sponsored him thru spousal visa but when we separated i dropped sponsership which he wasnt happy about. Until this day i do not know his visa status. When we separated I went through the court to change the DV orders since he was continiously breaching it. The order states he cannot come in contact 100 meters from my residence or work. He did threaten to take the kids from me and so i decided to go through mediation to try and sort out the custody of kids. Even though my lawyer stated not to make the move because the kids were in my care. But i wanted to knw what he wanted first and also to sort this matters once and for all. The mediation did not go well, because he wanted to see and have both the kids over. He does not have a home and who knows whos he living with. Secondly he does not have PR so i cannot trust him with the kids hes not a hands on dad and he hasnt seen them for almost a year, the little one was barely 18 months and sleep over was out of tthe question. My eldest was against visiting him esp when she witnessed him so many times abusing me. All i wanted was for him to spend time with hi s daughter in the contact centre and not pay any child support but pay the contact centre fees. So that she could build a rapport with him. To start of with and then eventually have meet ups at public places. My lawyer has advised me to not proceed from here and let him file for child custody since i went out of my way to consult mediation. And that the kids are in my care. so its been 9 months and looks like hes not making any move. lately hes approached my parents place with a written letter stating that he wants to get back with me and misses the kids sweet talk and all blah blah blah to try and get visitation which im against. I am so over him and am wanting to divorce him say early next year. But iv read that custody of the kids need to be sorted out first, please can anayone help me on this issue. What's the best way to tackle this? Should i wait till this custody is sorted. And if anyone can help me with any other issues im having.

[Mum22]

I am sorry that you find yourself in this situation. As stressful as it is, you will prevail.
As he has not seen the kids for 9 months, by early next year it would be up to a year, so I would think that any Court Ordered contact would be re-introduced slowly. Your eldest is not his bio kid so I don't think a Court would force a non-bio child into spending time, unless to assist the younger child during those periods ( if any). He may well just drift into the distance. IF your lawyer is suggesting let sleeping dogs lie it may well be sound advice, but only you know your situation well enough to judge that.

[ddmummy]

Hi I have just gone through this process and yes before any judge will grant a divorce the child matters have to be sorted first if there are children to that marriage. It is not a quick process but an extremely important one.

[karma]

Hi Mum22
Thanks for the heads up very much appreciated. I do feel that he is drifting into the distance but a little gut feeling is telling me its only a matter of time till things turn. The positive is i get to spend more time with my kids and they live in a safe and healthy home. Sometimes i wish that he would just sign the little one over to me and i would be so happy raising them both on my own. I guess i may have to wait out the divorce for now and just go with the flow. Another part wishes he would find someone so he can move on and not bother me anymore. Only time will tell. Thanks again