General discussions in here!
By Kat Gonsalves
#15780
Hello

I have a question for mum and dads in a blended family situation.

So my ex mother in law pulled me up the other day about me being in a relationship with my partner, he has 4 kids the eldest being a 13 boy.
She started saying to me that my daughter is high risk of being sexually abused staying with non biological family members, mind you we only stay there all together every second weekend. And always supervised and all together.
She is implying that every blended family has a high risk of this happening and pretty much saying that this will happen.
And she said that I should give the kids to her on those weekends so this doesn't happen???
My ex her son doesn't have the kids much as he doesn't show much interest in them and she continued to go on that he has ptsd from being bullied by a teacher and he can't care for the kids?
He is in a relationship with another lady.
Is this normal I just wish she would butt out.
By Mum22
#15782
She has no right, and she is interfering. It may be that she would like to see her grandchildren more, but she is going the wrong way about it. Having said that - you do need to be vigilant about protecting your girls (& boys) from predators who may or may not be in the house. Step & de-facto step siblings could be an issue - especially as boys go through adolescence, BUT only if they are that way inclined anyway - it is a very rare possibility NOT a probability. IF your partner's 13 yr old happens to be a developing sociopath then certainly you should worry, but as it is likely he is not, smile sweetly at the Mother-out-law and go on with your life. I wish you all the very best in your new relationship, and don't worry too much about what other people think!
By Kat Gonsalves
#15784
Thank you. Yes I did tell her I'm aware of sexual abuse and that it happens and to be careful and to talk to our kids about these issues.
I have further found out that she is interfering at the kids school by looking up there reports and asking teachers questions and finding out when they are not at school
She works as a Chaplin there 2 days a week.
It's just become a joke.
By aferris0205
#15786
Actually what she is saying is partially right as long as your daughter is staying and sleeping in a separate room not in the same room as the son your ex mother in law has no legal dispute. Hope this helps x
By Kassandra Keramopoulos
#15797
Pesonally I would be getting it on paper ( via the Magistates court to make it more official and formal ) that she is not to seek this information as its a clear breach of your privacy . . regardless or not of her being a chaplain . she needs to still go through the proper channels of " FREEDOM OF INFORMATION " to find out things like this unless you give CONSENT - so probably before going the magistrates court I would approach the school and inform them that you do not give CONSENT about your children's reports being given to her and put it in writing . . . ( under Children Youth and Families Act she can get around this BUT Child Protective services need to be involved first before this ACT can be used and applied - but if she still continues to get it then I would complaint to the PRIVACY COMMISSIONER ( FREE TO MAKE A COMPLAINT TO THEM ! ) and if that fails then go the Magistrates court to do it - otherwise as the other ladies have stated . . just SMILE SWEETLY at her and " TUNE OUT " ( MIND ELSEWHERE ) let her have her say unless its important and when she's finished her diatribe - tell her thanks for stopping by and move on and think nothing more about it its entirely your choice if you wish to let her spend more time with her grandchildren on an OCCASSIONAL weekend at your choice and convenience