- Tue Jul 11, 2017 12:00 am
#16646
So I have some questions regarding child support. Long story short... I was with my ex for a few years before I found out I was pregnant at the end of 2004. Obviously the pregnancy was unplanned and he made it very clear at the time he wasn't interested in being a part of the babies life Or mine if I continued with the pregnancy, he also made it clear that no one in his family would ever know. When I was 8wks i panicked and moved back home to be close to my family (still unsure about what to do). My ex made threats towards me if I didn't terminate which at the time was distressing, but I decided to keep the baby anyways. During my pregnancy we spoke a few times but nothing after I was four months along. My son was then born in 2005. I sent my ex an email letting him know he had a son etc and never heard anything. I then had to file for child support as I would have my family tax benefit reduced if I didn't. So I then had to contact legal aid to find him and order a DNA test. This process took several months. So by this stage my son was about 8 months old, abd after no contact since I was around 16wks pregnant, my ex got in contact with me. He begged me not to go through with child support and even flew to see me to discuss it. He never met his son during his 10day visit as my mum had him cause my ex still wasn't ready. I didn't push the issue as I was just so happy to be around him again, and thought that maybe he was starting to accept he had a child and this would be the start of him being in our lives. During the several months we had semi frequent contact with each other by phone and in person. I was worried that if I pushed the child support issue I would scare him off, so I dropped it. Then around the time my son was 18months old the contact became less frequent Until we eventually lost contact. I didn't persue child support in the hopes he may realise his mistake and reach out. Now fast forward to Jan this year, my son is about to turn 12 and I found my exs mum on FB, and agonised over if I should reach out or not, knowing my ex had said years prior that he'd never tell them about his son. I always felt so guilty for not telling them they had a grandson (but I didn't have a way to contact them at the time when I had my son). So I decided to reach out. The grand parents knew nothing about my son, were in serious shock but were over the moon to find out. Things have been going well between my son and his paternal grandparents so far. However my ex kept his word and never told anyone. He also has been in hiding from everyone including his parents/family since his secret came out. Isn't speaking to anyone in his family and also won't speak to me. He then calls me a couple of days ago. He is still undecided about if he will ever meet his son, has not contributed a cent towards raising him and quite frankly is acting like we should be grateful and bow down before him if and when he decides he will meet his son. Which I think is so unfair to my son who wants more than anything to meet his dad. My ex has had almost 13yrs to deal with this and knew one day would come that everyone would find out and his son would want to meet him ! So I'm considering filing for child support it's the very least he can do and even his family have all said he should be contributing financially. I was a single parent getting reduced benefits due to not perusing CS (I was only very young and crazy in love with him and very naive). I'm done with doing the right thing by my ex and need to do what is right for my son. My question is, am I able to after all this time? He's not on the birth certificate, so I'd have to get a DNA test if he denies paternity? Who would be liable to pay for it and if he ends up paying child support does that automatically give him parental rights regarding my son? Not that I think he will step up to that role in any capacity.
