Depression, Anxiety, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and anything else that affects your mental well-being
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By kathiem
#12185
I am saddened, sometimes even angered, by some of the comments that I find people have written on here in answer to people's posts. This is meant to be a forum in which people support and help each other, not bag them out.
Every one of us is in a different situation, and has different circumstances and resources, and it is no-one's right to judge any of the others.
With the changes to the Grandfathered Parenting Payment coming in on 1st January, I have been following posts by people affected by this, and have been really taken aback by some of the comments...some by people affected and some by people who were never fortunate enough to be on this payment.
But to those of you who tell others to shape up and go out and get a job, or retrain, or whatever, as they have done....praise to you for getting through in such a tough situation and picking up the pieces so well...but please don't put down others because they are upset about having been put onto Newstart, or losing their benefits altogether as they earn just over the cut-off limit. These people have organised their lives...their work arrangements, their living arrangements, their budgets, even taken on financial commitments, for anything up to eight years ahead, with the "knowledge" that they would be on Parenting Payment for that period. This change came in with only six month's notice. Of course they are upset, as would you be.
When the new Parenting Payment came into effect in 2006 I was horrified about that too, even though it didn't affect me, as I believed it was wrong to make a mother with an 8 year old child go back to work.
And yes, I do work, both out of necessity and because it was required of me by the terms of my Parenting Payment...though only 15 hours part time, as both of my children have emotional illnesses, and so I have to be available to take them to numerous medical appointments, and school and hospital visits, at any time throughout the week...and fortunately, to this stage, my employer has been extremely understanding. In a perfect world I would be with my children all the time, as this is very hard on them.
But this post is not about me, as, although managing will be very difficult for us with the loss of Parenting Payment, I know that we are actually much better off than so many people on here...This is about all the single mums on here who are struggling with all of the issues that single motherhood brings up for both them and their children, some of whom are in really desperate situations.
Nothing is ever as simple as it appears, and it is not right to judge others when you don't know exactly what they have been through, or what they are facing.
If you don't like what you read on here when people are seeking help and support, then make your own site, maybe called "Independent Single Mothers", so that you can all discuss your, possibly very different, issues.
But while you are on here...please...don't judge anyone until you have "walked a mile in their shoes".
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By monstamumma
#12199
Well said!!! :) I reckon that if anyone needs more allies it's us ! Surely there is enough judgement passed on us by media/those who are ignorant.

This website to me is a godsend, it makes me grateful to know I'm not alone in my quest to make our life a little better.

I salute each and every one of you mums and think we do an amazing job, when the odds are stacked against us, and even the prospect of getting out of bed in the morning is sometimes too difficult to even comprehend, we manage to dig a little deeper and find some "inner strength" we didn't know existed and get on with it.

Not only do we have to deal with being the sole bread winner, paying bills, deal with cranky pant tantrums, run a house hold, work, find time for ourselves, run around after our kids, but we have to BE there for them too. The majority of us also have to recover from the ultimate form of betrayal in the form of abuse from the one person we believed loved us, we have court cases, blackmail, trust issues and the fathers of our children who rant and rave about "their rights" as parents with complete disregard for what is actually right for the kids.

Life is so full of stress for us, and outside judgement! So how about backing off from giving each other a hard time... Sometimes peoples "advice" no matter how well intended can be a complete slap in the face. So think before you post - "put yourself in their shoes" as the above poster said. Be each others advocates, remember what you've been through... and as awful as it is some peoples stories are a tonne harder than your own... so have some empathy and kindness.

I know when I've posted on here sometimes it hasn't been looking for advice it's just I don't know where else to turn. And it's nice to hear/read "I understand"... I feel like my married friends and those without kids just don't get it. Unfortunately the world isn't black and white and it's not always a friendly place.

I seriously am grateful to have stumbled across this website and you amazing women. And if any of you ever need an ear or someone to just vent to please pm me!

Merry Christmas!!