Just call me Shan. I have come to these forums as I am currently struggling with my recent divorce. I was with my ex for over 10 years and we have 2 beautiful daughters. We were separated 18 months before we got divorced. Around 4 years ago I has a very strong urge to be with a woman. We both thought that if I just had some fun, I would be ok. Unfortunately, this was not to be and I went on to have a string of tumultuous relationships with women, all whilst staying married! I guess we both sat back and watched me ruin our marriage, but neither or us once intervened.
I am currently in a same sex relationship and consider myself to be gay. However, this has not necessarily made things any easier to move on. I was ok to start with, and I have been with my current partner for 12 months, but the divorce is final now and for some reason I am just feeling like I have made a terrible mistake, and am so caught up with the "what ifs".... I don't doubt my sexuality, but in divorcing my husband I have lost so much... I just don't know how to cope. I have been on and off medication for depression, been to counsellors, but none of it has really helped. I just feel like I'm a failure. This was the person I was spending the rest of my life with and only several years back I couldn't picture myself with anyone else. We were each other's first serious relationship, and I feel like that he is mine and the thought of anyone else being with him is devastating. Needless to say, we have well and truly passed the point of no return and he is moving on with is life. I thought I was too, but apparently not.
I'm not sure what I'm hoping to get from joining here, but it would be nice to connect with others who feel as though they too have lost a lot.
Thank you for talking the time to read this. I look forward to chatting with you all.