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By J123456
#15517
Hi ladies,
My 4 year old was diagnosed son the autism spectrum a month ago and his father is in denial.

He refuses to tell his partner and their family (I have never met them) and as a result he returns from his 3 nights a fortnight broken, depressed and labelled as the naughty boy. It is breaking my heart.

His symptoms worsen when he is not understood and given he has sensory issues this becomes dangerous in shopping centres, roadside etc when he has melt downs.

On the last visit he refused to stay overnights, refused to see his partner and her son and calls their house "the angry house" and has role played them fighting at kindy.

I have drafted a gentle letter as a caring mum to send to the girlfriend and her parents that care for my son as well as my exes mother who is interstate to just tell them of the diagnosis and see if we can all come together for my son or at least educate themselves on ASD and what they can do.

Can anyone see anything legally wrong with this? Unless they all know and get on the same page my son will eventually not go there at all and in the meantime he come back with regressed behaviour, bed wetting, spinning etc.

Thanks
#15886
When my son was being diagnosed I made sure to keep both my ex and his family in the loop. We are in different states so my son doesn't go to his dad's house, his dad also refuses to acknowledge the diagnosis and when he sorry of did still refused to admit they're would be other problems too. I don't see anything wrong with letting the family know. At the end of the day they need to also be on the ball and help your son, workout knowing the diagnosis they will be making things wurse without realising it.
#16368
I have a somewhat similar situation and the solicitor I have seen advised that it's actually fairly common for fathers to reject any diagnoses in their male offspring (not their daughters, usually only their sons, apparently). Whilst that's interesting and all, it's not particularly helpful. Our son is also 4 yrs, he was given a diagnoses of 'autisms' at 2.5 yrs and his current paediatrician has asked he be assessed for ASD. My ex and I live in two different states. This has benefitted our son as one of his biggest triggers is change. As he doesn't have to swap between households frequently, he is usually fairly high functioning. A very small change to his routine however, can affect him and his sleeping patterns change, his behaviour becomes extreme, bed wetting, the whole lot. It's sad and heartbreaking to watch. My ex, and his parents simply refuse to accept there's anything 'different' about our son. Therefore they expect him to act normally in all situations, and trust me, taking a child on the spectrum to the circus is just torture. We need to accept our son's differences and make allowances for them instead of, as you've mentioned, just refer to him as being 'naughty'. But my ex and his parents block me all the way. I suspect my ex also is on the spectrum, which has meant great conflict for us in this process. Essentially I left my ex to protect our son, my ex wanted him frequently shipped around the country between NSW, VIC and ACT for extended periods of time (at age 3 and 4). My son's doctor advised that would not be good for our son and he put that in writing. It protected our son for a little while and meant, with his health in mind he could not be expected to do things that weren't in his best interest. So I am wondering if you could approach your son's providers, OT, GP and ask for their recommendations?? Perhaps they could write a report, their advice 'should' hold a great deal of weight, they're the professionals and we as mothers are thought to know very little. My battle will continue for months ahead and it's surprisingly difficult to protect your child from mental health intrusions, only physical ones. But perhaps if the parties involved could read something from and doctor or other specialist it may help them come to some acceptance and make some allowances for your son. I hope so.