- Fri Mar 25, 2016 11:50 am
I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time, it must be awful to feel as though you have to prove yourself constantly and have so many pressures all at once, as well as separation from your child.
I'm going to give you my humble opinion, for what it's worth, and I say it with love, even though it may not be what you want to hear.
It isn't in any child's best interests to be exposed to domestic violence or drug use. If your child was being exposed to this and you were not taking steps to put her safety and wellbeing first, it is best for her right now to be away from the situation until you get your life under control and show that your child comes first.
You can do it. Love can make you do things you never thought possible.
My greatest issue is when women are leaving men because of domestic violence only to be put through continuing abuses by them through the Courts. These women aren't on drugs and are good mothers trying to leave dangerous situations and are still made to feel like they've done something wrong just for leaving. That's why women end up giving up and telling men to take whatever they want and settle on unjust and sometimes dangerous terms because they're made to feel it's their only option to finally end the abuse.
My sister left her husband after he tried to strangle her and kill her. The children weren't there. The police put in intervention order on him. Then, through the divorce, he decided to take the stand and lie saying she was abusive to him and other lies, which was all believed with no chance of cross-examination or any challenge to the truth. My sister almost lost her kids and home, with no opportunity to be heard.
During the custody proceedings they were both ordered to go to a parenting skills class, or something like it, even though they both were very good parents. I can't imagine how this felt for my sister, when all she was trying to do was to end a relationship that had become dangerous and put her children first, and has always loved and cared for her children with her life, but you know what? She did it. She also speaks highly of the course and got positives out of the experience. She, like me, and many others, would jump through hoops for her children, there's nothing we wouldn't do to fight for them and to protect them.
Of course, the father didn't comply with requirement, and attend those ordered sessions, and of course there were no consequences for him not doing so, but the point is that she went through hell and back and will always know that she would do anything for her children to be the best mother she can be.
Custody ended up being split between them. Fast forward two years after he fought tooth and nail for custody and guess what? He doesn't want to see the kids. I guess the newly single life of now being able to afford motorcycles and go out with his friends is much more enjoyable than the responsibilities of parenthood. I'm sure he knows though that when he's sick of that, or child support call and say there's been a change of care, he'll be fast to make an application and say that mum has refused to let him see his children, and it will likely be accepted.
I gave up my life to be a mother. I was 21 when I had my son, and while my friends were going out having fun trying to meet a man and keep one, I was working hard at raising one - and I wouldn't change that for the world. My shoes are falling a part and I'm still in my pregnancy clothes, but as I carried bags of toys and clothes out of the shops the other day to celebrate my young mans birthday, I was so overwhelmed with pride with the man I am raising on my own, and the daughter I have. There's nothing I wouldn't sacrifice to make sure they never go without.
Do everything you have to do, get the help you need, and become the best person you can be for your child.
I'm sure every parent will agree that dealing with a situation where your child has been removed is their greatest fear, my ex threatened it once to scare me, and even though I and everyone that knows me knows that my children are my life and they are so loved and cared for and always in the happiest and safest environment possible, it sent the fear of God through me, because he's a lawyer and his every word is believed and comes with great power and privilege. I think most parents don't fight the Courts more because we're all well aware of how much worst they could make ours and our children's lives without anyone there to watch what they're doing, so we're happy to lose our money and our dignity just to get out of their with our children and our liberty in one piece.
Stay strong and try to use the time to get your life on track and your priorities sorted. Get the help and support you need to be the best mother you can be, your daughters depending on it and everything she learns about being a women and relationships will come from you, so think about what you want to show her she deserves. Stay strong and I hope it gets better.
I know for sure that love saves me and that it is here to save us all.