A special forum for mums that - due to Court Orders, finances or otherwise - are unable to move from their current residential location back to family support, or to a location of their choice in Australia
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By vivalo82
#16808
Hi I'm writing this post as my two precious girls nap, peacefully unaware i stand to turn their little world upside down.

I'm British and have been with my partner for nearly six years, married for 5. We have two daughters together. We haven't been in great place for a long time. He is a great father 80% of the time, but as a husband it's more like 0%, our relationship is non existent.
My husband has a deeper connection to his playstation, social media and cannabis. Our lives are heavily affected by the later. The financial side, trying to keep the habit and the emotional side when he cannot have it for whatever reason, has driven me apart from him. I'm not just talking about the odd joint, i'm talking habitual, cannot function without smoking it. When he doesn't smoke it's terrible. He has zero patience or tolerance towards me or our daughters. Which isn't easier as our daughters are 2 and 3 years old, so they test me as toddlers do.

I'm now at the point where i think i have to start making other plans for our future. However i do not have a single cent to set up alone, as I am a stay at home mother. We have a very low income and after the bills are paid, food is bought and my husbands' allowance for cannabis and cigarettes are bought we have nothing left.

I have no family here that can help me and my elderly mother is back in the UK. I have no way of raising a bond to move out into our own place. I've sold practically everything i own to supplement our family needs when we have no money.

I'm hoping to find out if there is any type of support for women to leave the family home and set up as a Single Parent, when they literally have a few clothes to call their own. I'm scared to go to Centrelink, as i don't want to tell them about the drug use and risk having my daughters taken away from me. My husband isn't violent and never has been, but his addiction is taking over our lives.

does anyone know where i can reach out for help? I feel lost and stuck, like i will never get out of here.
By Bonney
#16812
Depending on the state you live in the Department of health and human services can assist with bond, it's a bond loan scheme, they lend the bond which goes straight to a real estate, and then given back via the real estate when you vacate the premises. You will need to apply for it when you find a place to rent, but it might be advisable to see if you are eligible for it first. By the sounds of it you should be. As far as the drugs are concerned, if your not participating in the use of Cannabis then there is no cause for you to worry, children are not taken off their parents without just cause. However, the children's safety or welfare is of a concern when it comes to the co-parent, and the issue of drugs, and the behaviour he displays because of it, or lack of it, and the consequences that inflict your family due to his addictions, I would strongly recommend this be brought to the attention of lawyers and anyone else who needs to know. You said he is a great father 80% of the time, and he may well be, but it's the other 20% that concerns me. Any drug addict, and make no mistake as that is exactly what he is, is dangerous when it's comes to the care and responsibilities of children. Would you trust him to drive them around when he's under the influence? Take them to school or the supermarket? Or the hospital if the occasion arises. To care for the children adequately would mean prioritising food, rent, nappies, clothing etc before his habit, and by what you say, this is something he is incapable of doing! Add mood swings from the drugs, or lack of it, his ability to parent whilst under the influence, to prepare meals and supervise children and cater for the children in a substantial way sounds limited. Children don't need to be around drugs and will he take them to a drugs dealers place when he "needs" to also? There are a lot of places to get help and maybe Centrelink can help, the Salvation Army or Red Cross also and women's refuges. Abuse doesn't have to be physical before it's called abuse! Be strong, be honest with your situation, help is out there! Your children need you. A family relationship centre (instead of lawyers) can help get parenting plans/orders in place for the children and be honest that his drug addiction is a problem to them too. And when you move out make sure to take your name off the bills! I hope I have helped!